When my mother died, I tried asking the meaning of Life. I suffered so much emotionally. It was too painful for me, unlike when my father died in 1986. I have 7 siblings, and I'm the second to the eldest. Our eldest died in 2003. One of my brother whom I stay with, in our parent's house is still single while one of my sister who also is with us , is a single mom. She has a daughter who is married and has 4 kids which she support financially. I'm a single mother of a 17 years old boy who is now in first year college in Eulogio Amang Rodriguez Institute of Science and Technology in our place, General Mariano Alvarez, Cavite. My sister who stays with us , is working abroad for 27 years. She is the primary financial support of the family, however on some cases my married sister who is a teacher at EARIST helps us financially, as well.
I have no job during those times so I made a habit of watching television. One time, while I was watching the TV, I came across the show on Channel 11 entitled 700 Club Asia. The presentation was about black magic and people who were possessed. I used to study tarot, numerology, palmistry, and astrology. Since these things had my interest, I got stuck on the show. I enjoy watching it until I made sure that I watch every episode. Since I was so much in grief due to my mother's death, I was so much enlightened by the prayers and the inspiring stories of the show. Watching the show has triggered me to read the Bible again. I read and reread. Some parts were still not as easy to read as it is today. Reading and rereading the Bible had changed my religion. I used to be a Roman Catholic. I do believe religion would not save you, however it is a help to grow spiritually. I have learned to share some of my earned money to the show because I believe it helps people to Glorify God. It may be a small amount, but added to the many blessings of others who shares theirs to OB(Operation Blessings) is of great help to a lot of people who prayed to God , to help them alleviate their miserable life.
I have PC at home with internet connection. Internet has helps me gain lots of information of so many things including, The Bible. I became too much obsessed to read about futures as was told in the Book of Revelation. I even emailed some authors for clarifications. The Book of Revelation which is too hard to understand, because of it's too much complexities of objects and creations shown to John, has now became easy for me to understand . I became interested in watching videos of people who had experienced near death or temporary death and came back to life. With all these stuff I was doing, I became aware of what God really wants us to do. I realized later, it's hard to live because you really cannot live life to the fullest, if you believe in Heaven and Hell, and if you really want to live with God. It is compromising to live and live with God. Sometimes how I wish I was not born at all. It was too hard for me who was born in an urban life. How I envy those people in the remote areas who hasn't been reached by modernization. But, I don't want to go to hell and I believe in the existence of the Powerful Almighty Father (Yahweh) who gave power for our Lord Jesus to rule over the world and humanity for us to be saved.
We grew up a troubled family because of misunderstanding. It was still the same environment until, I came to know God. My patience was practiced in our family. Dealing with my brothers and sisters needs a lot of patience. Sometimes I would questioned myself , if I was the problem. I realized that each of us has a problem and until one would not recognize God there will always be problem. I learned from dealing with people that people are generally good. Maybe because he was created in the likeness of God. Somehow , I would also think that people generally also takes care of themselves , first. I came to a conclusion that God made His second command, 'Love thy neighbor as you love thyself" because this is the foremost of what people has to do to make Him happy and to Glorify God. Of course the First Commandment: Love and honor God above all things; if obeyed , everything follows. Obeying the second commandment would also mean of your faith in God. Imagined a neighbor , a friend or anybody who approaches you and borrow some money for important reasons. However, you have money, but was already allocated for something. You would say, "I'm sorry , I really don't have money because.......(so many excuses). I was also guilty of it. One time my brother came to ask for some food. The food prepared was just right for us, although I can still cook. I told my brother, "I'm sorry, the food is just right for us". Have you given your favorite pants, t-shirt, blouse. bags or shoes to a charity? How many of us who has allocated money for the charity even we have very limited resources. No, I can't give this to charity. I still have to buy food, or so and so....( so many reasons). Why can we not give the money allocated for something and belief that God will take care of that problem. God sees what we're doing.We, sure don't have that thinking because we really do not know how to live with God. However, people always think of themselves , first.